How Do I Learn To Say No

It is a word that doesn’t come easy for many: the big old NO. You think to yourself you don’t want to be rude or simply don’t want to offend anybody for safety’s sake and therefore prefer to say yes and amen to everything… And then suffer in silence about it. Sound familiar? Do you keep asking yourself “How do I learn to say no?!” Then you should definitely keep reading.

Many people, but especially women, seem to know this problem all too well. If you say no, you are bossy, a bitch or just rude or lazy! It doesn’t matter if you are asked for a simple favor or a date, the expectations are always clear: you can’t say no!

How Do I Learn To Say No: Saying no in the workplace

I know this quite well from the workplace, for example. Yes, I am a very helpful person and I love it when I can put a smile on someone’s lips with a favor. But unfortunately, it happens very quickly that an occasional favor becomes more and more work… and suddenly I realize that I hardly find time for my work anymore!

It took me a few years to find the courage to just say no. And when I finally did, it didn’t always go over so well. After all, people had gotten used to the fact that I always said yes to everybody.

Saying no in love life

In my single times, I noticed such bizarre scenes again and again. Men who were so surprised when I didn’t want to go home with them or go on a second date just because they bought me a drink or – even worse – simply because they took all their courage together and asked! Wow.

(By the way, I’m sure many men have had such experiences as well, we women are no saints either. 😉)

The big, bad word

We are consistently forced to have a guilty conscience when we decide to say no. However, no consideration is given to how we feel about it.

And the effects of constantly “saying yes” or “simply not saying no” are anything but small and insignificant. I can well remember how stressed and overwhelmed I was at work all the time when I had to do everyone else’s unwanted tasks in addition to my work.

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My body answered me with hair loss, insomnia, and muscle cramps. And unfortunately, all the yoga, meditation and celery juice in the morning is of no use if the cause of the stress is not eliminated. ☹️

How do I learn to say no? Just like this:

There’s not a ton of instructions on how to learn to say no. The most important step is to just do it.

Just say no. 

Of course, to make it a little easier on you, I do have a few tips:

  1. You can practice it at home in front of the mirror, look yourself in the eyes and just say no. No, no, no, no! The more you say it, the easier it gets to say the word.
  2. Keep telling yourself you’re not a bad person just because you say no. If you feel bad, think about the situation you would have gotten yourself into if you had said yes. Now think about what good you can do for yourself during this time instead!
  3. If you still find it difficult to say no to someone’s face, try it in situations where you can say no in writing. Especially at work, there are often situations where you can “practice”. 😊

Don’t forget to say yes once in a while

WHAT? You are probably asking yourself now, after reading a whole article about the magic of saying no. Now she wants me to say yes?

Sure! Saying no for sure is all about setting healthy boundaries for yourself and your well-being. That doesn’t mean you can never do someone a favor or say yes to an invitation again. 😋

Find the healthy measure for you and you will soon notice how much better, less stressed and above all more confident you will feel. ❤️

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